Rambling On..

I have always had this nagging doubt as to whether I am doing the things I want to in life. The four years at IIT were - for want of a more original phrase - the best years of my life. I had fun, made good friends, learnt a lot. But then, how often did I enjoy doing what I had gone there to do. I have, upon self introspection, always found that Civil Engineering was not what I enjoyed studying. Ironically, I did quiet well studying Civil Engineering (and most around me have done quiet well for themselves doing what they hate doing). One week into IIMB tells me I am not particularly going to like studying here either -I may be wrong here and indeed I hope I am. Maybe, I don't like studying at all. Or maybe its because of being at an IIT or IIM that I don't enjoy studying. I am more inclined to believe its the latter reason. I confess that the institutions which are supposed to be the apostles of learning in India put me off. I detest the pressure cooker atmosphere in these places, the intense competition here, the perpetual fear of being left behind and the compulsion to do things because they are being done by most of the others. Its like you may not be convinced of the utility of a course of action, but still pursue it for fear of missing out on some unapparent benefits. I suppose all these can be dismissed as mere excuses for weakness in the face of competition or as laziness. After all, these institutes have proved themselves as producers of quality manpower.

In IIT I managed to find of group of likeminded people who went on to become close friends and integral parts of my life. IIMB offers little hope in this direction. From what I have seen of my batchmates they seem guarded and superficial, not ready to let that barrier down. Maybe its the natural diffidence engendered by a new and competitive environment and strange faces all around. Maybe its my perception that is at fault, maybe I am not letting my guards down, allowing others to approach. Maybe it will wear off with time and I am waiting eagerly for that. I dislike being lonely.

The class today illustrated the kind of enthusiastic but thoroughly useless contributions (interferences ?) that pass off as class participation here. If this enthusiasm is not dampened considerably we are not going to make much progress in the class. The positive side is it was quite amusing in parts, so from a personal point of view, such doses of thoroughly inane participation are required to pass off the one and a half hour.

Well, things can only improve from here on. Or can they? Lets see. will keep you posted in either case.